Write yourself a note-leave it on a post it on your computer, make it the home screen on your phone, tack it in big letters on your fridge- any way you can think of to remind yourself to slow down, to say NO, I'm sorry I'm not available.
Learning how not to be available is the hardest part of the process, and it happens at the very beginning of learning how to live simpler.
We all want to be a part of a community, a part of a family, or tribe, or group, whatever you choose to call it. To have friends, and family, but many times those communities put undue pressure on us to be involved. Involved ALL the time. Of course we need to be involved with our family, that is a given, same as our spouse, or significant other. But outside of our little circle, how much are we willing to spend of ourselves ?
Personally, I'm very very selfish when it comes to spending my precious time on someone else. And, you should be too. We are not given infinite amounts of time on this earth, and it is up to us what we do with it. The biggest question you must ask your self is... Is this something that will help me live the way I want to live? Can I be happy doing this? Is it important to me?
If the event is a something that you may or may not enjoy-don't go, politely tell the person that you are not available.
You don't have to be mean, or burn any bridges but, you must be firm and ensure the person understands that you have other commitments that supersede their request. Politely turning down a request or an invitation is not wrong, or bad, it is you looking out for yourself, spending your limited time doing what you want with whom you want.
Attending social events that have little or no meaning to us personally eats up valuable resources, can stress us out, and isn't an essential part of our lives. In a nut shell, they can go and we wouldn't miss them. Don't make the mistake of saying "yes" just for the sake of saying yes. People will understand if you bow out gracefully and with tact, and let them know you already have plans. While it may not seem like the truth when you tell someone you already have plans- it is entirely the truth-you have plans for simplifying your life in a way that suits the way you live, makes you healthier, and more conscious of your time here on earth and how precious that time actually is.
Work, Career, Job, we all have to have one. Most of us aren't independently wealthy. Having an income means we can eat!
Searching for a new job whether your laid off or currently employed is a task unto itself, its stressful, challenging, and your never quite sure what your going to get when it all is said and done. But you can take steps to ensure you come out on the better end of the bargain.
1) Don't sell yourself short- you know what you can do, get it on paper, if you can't figure out how to do that, contact a resume writer for assistance. It may cost a bit, but it will be better for you in the long run to have a professional do your resume, and expound on your attributes in a way that makes employers stand in line to hire you.
2) Be choosy-chose the best fit for you. Sometimes the final decision doesn't come down to the highest salary, but instead the benefits, be they company provided, our benefits solely to your lifestyle. Maybe one employer provides a very high salary, but another pays lower but provides free on sight day care, so you can trot downstairs and see little Johnny on your breaks. What matters more to you, and how much money are you going to be putting out to pay for outside daycare? Sometimes, a benefit can have a huge monetary gain on the back end. Does the time off from a lower paying employer give you time to work those profitable craft shows, is that income comparable to the higher paying employer? Do the calculations. Do you have every weekend off to call your own? If so, is it worth it? You decide.
3) Environment- Check your employee reviews, does the company have a bad name, do they provide little support to their employees in the way of training, are they lax on their raise policies, Check the internet. Is the company open to new ideas, do the workers seem pleasant and happy(if you get a chance to take a tour) ask around, any insight is better than none.
4) You don't have to say yes right then and there-Any employer who requires you to accept an offer right then and there for ANY excuse, is a red flag so large it blocks out the sun. A reputable employer, with descent hiring practices expects you to think over their offer, at least overnight before accepting. So, politely ask to have a day to think it over, go home do your calculations, discuss it with your significant other, or whomever you choose, and then call the next morning, EARLY, and give your answer.
5) Two weeks notice-I have to be honest, I am not a big believer in the two weeks notice rule.
With one exception- if you want to keep your bridges intact, and not burn them. You may someday want to return to a previous employer, and if so, giving two weeks notice is a great idea.
But, as a general rule, I myself, don't give notice any more than two days. Why? Because many employers become hard to deal with if you do. They know you are leaving, it upsets them, they feel as if they have provided you with a position, and now your throwing it in their face and walking away. Tensions can get quite high. You are ready to move on and anticipating your new position with another company, and you may be leaving them at what they deem an inappropriate time. It can and often does get quite messy. A good employer will accept your resignation better if you explain that you are furthering your career, and moving on.
This also gives your current employer an opportunity to step up and offer you a better position, better pay, or other benefits in order to keep you, if they do not, you were better off going on to something better anyway.
On a side note: employers seldom give their employees the courtesy of two weeks notice when they lay them off, or terminate their position. So, as a rule that notice to them when I depart is something I don't spend a lot of time worrying about.
We all know there may come a time when we will accept any job offered to us, just to make bills. I've done it, you've done it, we all have. I have done everything from clean horse stalls to flip burgers to make ends meet. But, remember when you take that job cleaning offices overnights. This isn't the last job you'll ever have. Get that resume out there and find some real work that makes you happy and fulfilled, do not spend your work life being miserable, if the jobs not a good fit, move on as quickly as you can.
Making changes to your life isn't easy. That, is a hard cold fact. But doing so, can have a profound effect on your personality, your health, and your bank account.
And, who doesn't want that?
If you want that to happen, certain steps need to take place.
First and foremost, no you aren't going to be moving into a tiny house (well not unless you really want to). You want to be comfortable. So, lets remain where we are, and look at some things that we might do that don't require selling everything we have and moving-simple things first.
Time: our time is in demand, from our kids, our boss, our spouse, and a gazillion other entities. It could be all those boards you chair, or that church group, or the music with mommies child's group you attend twice a week, the gym, or your 5 art classes one for every night of the week. Take a big step back and list all of the things that demand your time. Start a notebook to work your way through this process, and keep it, your going to need it.
Most likely your going to find that Work makes the top of the list, then family, after family we tend to lump everything together, as groups, friends because lets face it, you have a lot of friends in that church group, and a lot of friends on the boards you chair, and many, many friends at the gym, and in your art classes. And soon it all becomes a jumbled mess.
To start lets remove one thing from the entities that require our time, we can't remove work because we need the money, and we really love the music with mommies class, and the church group, and we have a set tenure before we can resign as chair of that board, certainly not family, so how about one of the art classes? Let's lose one. Lets say your taking a ceramics class, you knew early on that it was okay, but not your favorite form of art. But, you'd paid for the class so you didn't want to lose money.
Thinking that you'd be losing money is no way to look at it, what you would be gaining is time, time that could be better spent doing something you enjoy. So, you give up the class, step away from attending every week, and you suddenly find that you have 4 to 5 free evenings a month. A common mistake we make is that when we find that we have free time, we tend to want to fill it with something. DON'T SCHEDULE ANYTHING IN IT'S PLACE-YET.
You have just gained 4 to 5 free nights a month, add that over a year, and that is over a month of time that you have now freed up in each year of your life. 30+ days of not having to be anywhere or do anything -if you don't want too. Spend that time wisely, sit on the back porch and drink a cup of coffee, grill out with the family, go out with your spouse, play with the kids, go for a walk. Anything but structured activities. WHY? because structured activities are one of the things that causes our stress level to go up, it costs us money that would be better left in our bank account, and takes our time away from the REAL things, doing something for our self, like family, close friends, and your significant other. In a crazy week, we will soon find that we look forward to that night off, no matter what we do.
Using this process you can free up a ton of time in your life without really realizing it. And, you have focused that time on something you actually REALLY enjoy. When you finish that next art class, don't sign up for another one yet. Let that evening be another that you added to your list of free time, time to do things that make you relax and de-stress. Time enough to join another class when you've cleared your calendar.
You have just begun the journey to TAKE BACK YOUR TIME.